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most of the time
i felt alone.

like a tragedy.
helpless
and useless.

as a girl i always wondered
how come no one ever seemed to noticed
or ever seemed to care

i was left alone,
over and over again.

everything was so obvious to me.

withdrawn.
lonely.
abused.
unloved.


i always knew it wasn't my fault but,
i still felt guilty


sometimes
looking back now,
i wonder how i could still believe in myself.
how did i have any hopes and dreams left?
i was such a small kid.
and for years and years,
there was always a way i found a bright side.
how could i even smile?
if it hurt to breathe.



and now it leads me to this:
i wanted to verbalize and write down all of what i have felt.
to become a better more understood version of myself
to be able to feel more confident.
and most importantly,
to overcome

everyday can be a struggle.
asphyxiated and
numb.

and i need to always remember,
that there is more to life than this