a case of a childhood impaired by molestation

Saturday, July 30, 2011


this has everything
and at the same time nothing to do with my past experiences.


i get caught up
in life.
sometimes i react in all the right ways.
sometimes i do just the opposite,
and completely destroy things.
making things worse.

have you ever taken a situation completely out of context.
blamed all your frustration and anger on something or someone.

well. that's what happened.

i wish i could clean the slate. but i feel like poison.
my mind and my body are weak.


we all make mistakes.
but do we recognize them?
do they weigh in your stomach?
do they break your heart?

we put ourselves in these situations,
But do not know how to react.

clouded judgments and denial.

Denial...maybe i need help. maybe i need a therapist. maybe.
i don't know.

i am so much weaker than people perceive me to be.
weaken, mislead and confused.
sometimes i imagine myself..more perfect.
then you know..something happens...and it shows me,
i'm still just that stupid scared girl in
grade school...
high school..
day after day
year after year.

the infliction of pain and heartache,
the bond of trust and friendship over in a second.

words are strong and powerful things.
masochistic by nature.
theses things i say,
these things i do.
i don't understand.
i will never understand.